I don’t even know where to start with this. Apparently they are upset because Christ is supporting the Republicans? First off, it’s clearly a joke as I doubt Jesus actually put these banners up himself (and if he did, let’s just leave them alone!). Secondly, I don’t know why they care, Democrats don’t believe in God anyway. In fact, I don’t think the Godless Democrats are going to be happy until we’re all worshipping the devil.

Or at least that’s what this guy wants you to think. I’ve been involved in a lot of political races and I’ve employed many underhanded tactics, none of them have EVER involved robots.

The next time Mr. Tom Joad wants to speak ill of Colorado Republicans, he should do it in a men’s bathhouse, because watchdogs like me are going to find his lies if he posts them on the internet.

I can’t imagine that Yoda would ever do such a thing. Or…at least I didn’t think the ancient Jedi Master would be capable of such evil until I read THIS!

It’s a long read, but I encourage you to take a look at the entire document and read through it with an open mind. It presents some compelling evidence that I had never considered before and it’s important that we all think about this and the ramifications this theory has.

I warn you, don’t read it until you have some time to contemplate its deeper meaning. I made the mistake of reading it at lunch and have been fighting back tears since. I ended up leaving work early. It’s  quite disturbing to think that the leader of the Jedi council could actually have been the thing responsible for the undoing of the Jedi order.

I’m angry with Master Yoda, I’m angry with the council for not recognizing what was happening, but mostly I’m angry with myself for not thinking of this sooner. I hope it isn’t true, but I’m not so sure.

Periodically I’m going to shit gears and post something that I feel is helpful to my readers. I want this blog to not only inform people, but also help them.

I encourage you to take a moment and go through this short survey.

It’s a valuable tool, my one complaint is that it doesn’t store your answers. For most people this won’t be an issue, but I was able to answer “innocent” to every question and it still suggested that I was a sinner at the end, which is rediculous.

You’re probably too young to remember what he is usually like. That ad isn’t the first time he was on TV, go rent Back to the Future or watch some Family Ties reruns and you’ll see that clearly something is up with him in his recent videos.

Bush has signed a bill that will allow 700 miles of fence to be built on the US/Mexico border.

Now, as this narrow-minded communist has noted, that leaves almost 2/3 of the border unprotected by fencing. For the short-sighted, this is true. For those who think out of the box, like myself, it’s not true. There’s a lot we can still do to protect the rest of the border.

All the bill says is that 700 miles of fence has to be built. It doesn’t say where, how, or what type of fencing. Here are some possible solutions that would allow us to keep Mexican terrorists out and not spend any more money.

1. Use the funds to dig a deep moat instead. Not really a fence, in the standard sense of the word. But since the word “Fence” is actually latin for “Physical Barrier”, I think a ditch can be a fence too.

Digging ditches requires nothing but a shovel and is something that the mexican community excels at. This would essentially be a US-funded Mexican public works program. Inexpensive labor and high-productivity are a recipe for success in this effort. As the ditch went through more urban areas it could be landscaped by the mexicans as well.

Depending on how deep they dug, the ditch could either serve as a simple physical barrier, or we could fill it with acid or lava. The workers would be allowed to keep the dirt they dug to make homes and schools with.

2. Land mines. I know everyone is against the use of anti-personel mines, but you can’t argue that they’ve done a good job detering people from walking in areas where they’re buried. They are cheap and if we mapped where they are—and only gave the maps to American’s—it would be fairly safe. In areas close to schools we could produce public service messages with a mascot like “Lenny The Landmine” who only had one leg and encouraged kids to stay away from mined areas.

I realise that landmines aren’t fences, but if we used fence-posts to hold trip wires that attached to claymores, I think we could make an argument that the funding can be used for this type of “fence” as well.

3. Instead of building the fence in a single continuous 700 mile section, spread it out into thirds, so the fence went up 1 out of every 3 feet. Most groups that cross the border to not do it in single-file, but rather shoulder-to-shoulder.

4. Release lions and other predators at the border. Nothing deters people from going into an area like a large predator. If we introduced a small population of lions or tigers into the deserts surrounding the border it would serve to keep people from even entering those areas. If we used technology currently available at pet stores that keeps pets in yards using an “invisible fence” and an electrified collar, we could control where these beasts roamed. We’d need to work out how to change the batteries in the collars, or maybe they could produce solar powered collars for this effort. This detail doesn’t seem like an insurmountable problem, but I’m sure the liberals will turn it into a huge debate that keeps us from focusing on the real issues.

5. Fencing…with swords. Some of my other ideas would probably be contradictory to the language of the Bill that Bush signed. If the dems want to be sticklers to the exact verbiage used in the legistlation, maybe we could still use the funds for “fencing”…but instead of building a fence, we position armed swordsman across the border. Mexicans have a natural aversion to swords, this is why Zorro was so popular in their culture.

Let’s also not forget that even if they go ahead and build only 700 miles of fence, it’s still going to create quite a safe area in the middle of that fence. How many mexicans do you think will go around the fence, and then walk in towards the middle of the fence where the communities will be built, just to commit crimes? Probably not many. Most of the terrorism will be committed near the outer ends of the fence, that’s where we can focus our military efforts.

This article is an excellent example of why America is so disapointed with the performance of Medicare…they expect it to cover everything.

It talks about Patricia Meier, a 63 year old quadriplegic that thinks she needs to replace her wheelchair. Why? What’s wrong with the chair she’s sitting in? When did it become mandatory that everyone gets to be as mobile as everyone else? I’d love to run in a marathon, but I have some colon issues that are unfavorable to high-impact sports. Do you see me asking the government to tighten my exhaust pipes? Nope. In fact, I’d prefer they leave my backside alone.

I don’t mean to sound insensative, but just because you have a problem doesn’t mean it’s the government’s job to fix it. I’m sure she has a chair, it even sounds like she already has one with wheels. If she wants a nicer one maybe she should save her money and buy one instead of complaining that the Government won’t wheel one up her ramp and sit her in it.

The article goes on to say that she’s not just upset because Medicare won’t buy her a wheelchair, she’s upset because she wants one that is self-powered and also adjusts her so she doesn’t get bed sores. Wow, I wish I had an office chair like that too, but in the meantime I guess I’ll just have to sit on an inflatable donut like the rest of the people who aren’t millionaires.

She claims a wheelchair costs between $17,000 and $20,000 and says, “When I was able-bodied I bought cars cheaper than that.” A car for less than $17k? (Probably Korean). Did the government buy that car for you?

I’m not completely sure, but I think that quads are probably the most self-absorbed people on the earth. You can’t turn on the TV without hearing about their desire to sacrifice human babies for their stem cells in the hope that they can walk across the room one day to change the channel. I’m just glad I still have the use of my clicker finger so I can change the channel when Michael J. Fox, or some other cry-baby comes on my TV asking me to kill kids so they can play sports again.

I’d be interested to know exactly how many of these so-called quadriplegics even used their legs before being confined to their luxury liners on wheels. Probably not too many olympic runners in the mix. I’m guessing there was a lot of remote-control usage for most of them, but once they can’t walk suddenly remote controls aren’t good enough and the Government is supposed to step in and make them the bionic man.

Sorry folks, but that’s not how it works. If you want something nice, save your money. If you can’t walk because you went horseback riding with superman and fell off your horse, don’t cry to the Government…go sue your saddlemaker instead.

In the new video of MJF, he seems very uncomfortable and extra “figgity”. I thought that perhaps he was under the influence. I think Rush Limbaugh is probably closer though when he says that MJ is probalby just acting. It’s a real shame that he would manipulate the voters like this.

Considering that he’s been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, I think Alex P. Keaton’s time would be better spent supporting research rather than mocking other victims of the disease in political skits.

Today in a landmark decision, the Bush administration has granted the flexibility for public schools to offer certain classes to only a particular gender.

Obviously this has created controversy, primarly from feminist groups who think that boys should be taking the same cooking classes that the girls have to take. Not surprisingly, I don’t see any of them complaining that the girls won’t have to pump iron with the football team.

As a byproduct, this solves some of the concerns that many people had about sex education. Since it appears we’re stuck with it, we can at least tailor the curiculum to the appropriate gender now. I see no advantage to teaching a girl about condoms when she doesn’t have the equipment to wear one. Likewise, there isn’t much reason to teach a boy about the pill since he will never become pregnant.

I can’t help but wonder if this is a glimpse of some of the early cultural exchanges that take place when two cultures intermingle as we have with Afganistan and the middle east, who until a few years ago divided the education between genders. Despite their faults, the Taliban were pioneers in educating boys and girls with gender-appropriate studies.

In summary, I will say that although many people will see this as a step back in some regards, I think the results will speak for themselves. I predict this to be a great success for everyone .

Tom Cruise, alleged Scientologist and live-in boyfriend to unwed mother, Katie Holmes, has selected November 18th as his wedding day. November 18, 1978 was also the unfortunate day that Jim Jones decided to end 918 lives with a well-orchestrated murder-suicide.

Is Maverick trying to drop a hint about something that we should be concerned about?