In a gesture that is too little too late, the French—who were vocal in their support of terrorism in the early days of our war on terror—are releasing years of UFO intelligence to the public. While much of this information can certainly be used by more proactive governments to help ensure the safety of the planet, this doesn’t begin to compensate for the lives that have been lost over the years due to French passiveness.

Those of us who follow UFO research know that France has been a favored landing spot of alien visitors for many years. This may be due in large part to the fact that the French have never been very good at assessing threats. It’s reasonable to assume that this information has leaked throughout our solar system in the form of escaping radio waves. It would not be difficult at all for alien pilots to use this intelligence to find global landing targets would would be favorable to alien visitation. Aliens wishing to infiltrate our society would be wise to use France as a point of entry to earth.

This alone is bad enough. But clearly the French are not telling us the whole story.

In a seemingly contradictory move, France has also taken steps to find a new home for the human race. Yesterday a French satellite was launched with the sole purpose of finding Earthlike planets.

I think it’s time France is pulled free of the global teet and forced to answer some hard questions. Has France allowed something to occur that could doom the human race—what are they not telling us? Why were they not more supportive of the war on terror—is it because they understood there was a greater threat to the world than terrorism?

France has a long history of endangering the lives of Americans. Let’s pray they haven’t endangered the lives of everyone on Earth this time.

If Muslims don’t want to get strip searched, I would recommend they stop strapping explosives underneath their clothes.

An Iraqi Muslim woman with suspected ties to terrorists was detained, searched, and deported. Then she got a letter of apology from a spineless representative of Homeland Security who felt it was hit duty to expose ourselves as weaklings to our enemies by sending personal letters of apology.

If there’s a choice between strip-searching innocent women and seeing more Americans needlessly die, sign me up for patriotic strip-search duty.

In a decision that upset many who believe that there are ethical and religious reasons not to participate in the cloning of any of God’s creatures, the FDA has said meat from cloned animals is safe to eat. At some level I agree with them, but anyone who has ever seen cattle breeding knows that something went horribly wrong years ago. Prior to cloning, there are only two ways to increase your inventory of livestock—neither of them pretty.

The first is perhaps the most natural way, allow the beasts to procreate on their own. This doesn’t always work, and even when it does…anyone who has seen it will attest that it basically amounts to bovine rape. The female creature tries to escape while the male essentially tackles her and has his way. Once he’s completed the act, he wanders away and may never acknowledge the cow or his offspring again.

The second method is no less shocking, but removes much of the trauma and risk of damage to the female. Basically semen is manually extracted from a bull and then, using a gloved hand, is inserted into the female.

Now, I’m not one to vary from God’s plan…but I’d prefer my children never learn of either traditional method of cattle breeding. Given the choice, I’d much prefer to abolish both styles of impregnation in favor of the painless and morally preferable method of cloning.

I haven’t formulated a cohesive theory about this yet, but am I the only one who thinks it’s a little bit convenient that the patriarch of the Republican party just happened to die less than two years before the next presidential election?

Without Gerald Fords experience and leadership, the democrats gain a slight tactical advantage during the next election.

I’m not saying either way, but if I were a liberal I wouldn’t exactly be mourning the passing of this man. In fact, if I were a liberal, I probably would have already thought of several ways I could have expedited this event—perhaps someone did more than just THINK?

As many of you know, I am not only a servant of God, but have also sworn an oath as a Jedi. As such, I typically have the hilt of my light saber hanging from my belt. Before I get a million emails telling me that light sabers aren’t real, I already know. The light saber hilt identifies me as a Jedi and I feel it puts peace in the hearts of those I try to assist every day. Once they see I have the saber, I can tell by looking in their eyes that they know everything will be just fine.

One of the problems of carrying a light saber is that it makes a Jedi a target. Usually people just yell rude things at me, though once I was assaulted by a group of teenagers and my light saber was stolen. It was a frustrating loss as I had that one custom milled from aluminum and it was quite expensive. I now carry a commercially-available replica. It cost me a few hundred dollars, but it’s easier to replace and also has some lights and sounds that make it more realistic.

But I digress. My point is that even though I’m trying to use the Force to do good in the world, I’m often not accepted because of the Jedi path I’m on. Before people get to know me, they see my light saber and assume I’m crazy or mentally retarded. They judge me even before they get to know me. Usually the people that do this are idiotic teenagers with their pants hanging down below their underwear—usually they are Mexican or a similar minority.

Every Christmas I try to remember that we all need to look at each other as humans and accept each other for our differences. The Jedi is a friend to all, and the sooner other people realize this, the sooner I will be able to help them when I see they are in trouble.

I’m not going to send my shipment of frankincense and mir until I learn more, but apparently a lizard has been born to a Virgin mother. This has only happened once before in history, and we all know who that was.

Mary Cheney repaired the liberals favorite chink in conservative armor by announcing that she is pregnant. As the old saying goes, “Lesbians are just straight chicks who haven’t met the right man.” I’m paraphrasing of course, I don’t remember exactly how that saying went.

Welcome aboard, Mary. Better late than never.

This story has been neatly swept under the rug. It goes all the way back to 2004, and can’t imagine a cover-up of this magnitude could have occurred throughout the liberal underworld without the participation of socialist sweatheart, Hillary Clinton. This is the sort of stuff that is ripping America apart and endangering the lives of our soldiers deployed to fight the War on Terror.

Since I can’t track who is reading this blog, I don’t know if Bao Xishun read about the news here, or somewhere else, but he obviously learned of the peril dolphins face today at the hands of those Chinamen who would eat them. He used his long arms to reach into their stomachs and pull out some pieces of plastic. Plastic is one of the largest exports from China, and I presume that this is just more evidence of the global Chinese impact on the peaceful dolphins.

An illness that has befallen one of Al Qaeda’s former Egyptian clerical workers has caused the FBI to be concerned that if he dies in US custody, Bin Laden could seek vengeance on the United States. Despite the fact that he is blind, deaf, was found spitting up blood, and has a tumor, our enemies expect us to keep him alive somehow. Further proof of how unreasonable terrorists can be.