I’ve had the same Ford Econoline van since I moved to America. I love this van probably more than I love my wife or children…maybe not more, but certainly as much. I’ve replaced the engine twice, painted it a few times—most recently camouflage. Typically my wife works on our vans, but she’s been building a blacksmithing forge in the yard for the last few weeks and there’s a new problem with the van.

Given the gas prices recently and the fact that the liberals are unreasonably apposed to invading additional oil producing countries, I decided to do something to help the V8 get better mileage. Thinking back to previous droughts in this area I remembered a technique of inserting a brick in the tank of the toilet. Since I couldn’t figure out how to get a brick in the gas tank of the van I poured some gravel into the tank. Now the van won’t start.

Sorry to use this blog as a soap box for my personal vehicular issues…but I need to get this van going and I can’t afford to take my wife off the forge-building project until she’s finished. Is there some sort of plug in the gas tank I can unscrew and empty the gravel from the tank? Also, what should I put in the tank to accomplish this task other than gravel?

I need to get this bad boy back on the road, where he or she belongs! Even though someone in my neighborhood keeps painting “Rapist Van” over the camo (if you’re reading this, you’re in for a surprise the next time you show up to vandalize my van!)

Thank you in advance.