Like many of you, I was initially infuriated when I first saw the new homosexually-inspired five dollar note. However, upon further consideration, I believe that this new gay-friendly freedom money might be a great way for the Fed to experiment with the sodomites and find out if they are able to stimulate our economy in ways we haven’t even thought of.

That’s right folks, I’m not only agreeing with the Bankersteins in Washington, but I’m endorsing their plan to work very closely with the homos. Some will say that this comes too close on the heals of my smashed nutsack and subsequent prescription pain-killer indulgence and I’ll change my mind when I sober up. Don’t count on it. This plan makes good sense and I don’t care if the people involved are both Godless libertines from both ends of the Anti Christ spectrum.

For those of you who are not as strategically savvy as myself, let me explain what’s going on here.

1. Gays have dual incomes and irresponsible consumer spending habits…but they fear germs.

2. Money is covered with filth.

As the current administration has pointed out ever since September 11th, the quickest way to ensure economic stability is to make sure our consumer citizens are out spending every dime they earn, or more. Who better to start with than the homos, and what better way to start than to make them feel more comfortable around currency.

This craftily designed currency not only features the universal symbol of gayness, the freedom rainbow, but also a gigantic pink “5″ proudly emblazoned in the lower right corner of its back side. I believe that even Honest Abe’s portrait has been altered to look more sexually appetizing to men—though I don’t have an old five handy to compare it to, so I can’t be totally sure if my interpretation is valid.

So, now that you have all the information I hope you’ll join me in support of our new Hebrew allies as we ride the homosexuals all the way to economic stability.