Chuck Norris is, without question, the greatest living American blogger, if not the greatest American period! He can fight, he can write. His jeans are tight, and he’s always right. Say what you will about beefcake homos like Jean Claude or Segal—I don’t really care—but if you ever suggest Norris is anything short of brilliant—you and I have a serious problem.

In one of his most recent posts, Norris deftly explains the connections between hispanics (especially those who don’t speak English well), terrorist attacks on US soil (as well as their likely increase as a result of moving terror suspects to Kansas from Cuba), and the duty we owe to the families of the victims of 9/11 to send the illegals back where they came from.

Not one to simply throw out problems caused by liberals that are as simple to fix as immigration, he also lists his solutions. Well, they’re mostly Newt Gingrich’s solutions, but Chuck has conveniently listed them so they’re easy to read in one place. I suggest you go through his articles, and if you’re not already reading his site religiously, you should start.

In my house, when Chuck Norris comes on the television, we stand and solute. I would hope you start a similar tradition in your family, because, as Chuck quotes from the bible, “Like a dog that returns to its vomit [or feces] is a fool who repeats his folly.”

Don’t repeat your folly by returning to your vomit.

What happens to our dangerous toys? We’ve all seen the recall lists in the media telling us which products are no longer safe for our children. Where do these toys go once we trade them in for safer versions?

As a follow-up to an earlier post I made about taking out terrorists as children, it seems to me we could airdrop recalled American toys into Iraq and other terrorist breeding grounds and let nature take its course. If we were quite about it, Liberals would probably buy into the program as some sort of “Toys for innocent kids” crap. In fact, we could get them to fund the whole thing for us.

The more future terrorists who break their necks riding through Iraqi roads on Heelies, the fewer will be around to ride through Iraqi roads on, well, on whatever terrorists drive when they’re adults. Stolen Hummers and Camels mostly I would guess.

I think any sane person knows that the only reason we’ve been so focused on precision raids and smart-bomb attacks on known terrorist locations in the War on Terror is to appease the sissy liberals in Washington. These cry-babies call themselves men even though everything out of their mouth sounds like something that a woman would say! They’re worried about killing innocent Iraqi people, they’re worried about…well, I don’t really care what they’re worried about anymore, gas prices are inconveniently high. It’s time for some precision attacks on the root of the problem. Take out the terrorists before they grow into a real threat. Take them out in the schools or take them out in the testes.

Between gas prices going through the roof, American citizens living in fear awaiting the inevitable coming terror attack on our home soil, and most recently the disappearance of honey bees, it’s time to stop pretending like we don’t know how to end this once and for all. If we stop forcing our troops to track down the more dangerous older groups of terrorists and instead force them to start taking out the kids, not only will we see coalition casualties go down, but we’ll be one generation closer to peace. When those coalition casualties go down we can reallocate military doctors to perform mandatory sterilizations on enemy citizens with their newfound spare time.

This story reminded me to bring this up. Apparently the US-funded Iraqi Kindergarten classrooms are nothing more than little terror incubators.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) — At a recent kindergarten graduation ceremony, young girls smiled behind their brightly colored princess dresses and the boys showed off their best dress shirts. They sipped on juice boxes, played on swings and jumped on and off seesaws.

It was a welcome relief from the war that surrounds them. But when these 5-year-olds spoke, it became apparent just how much the ongoing violence has affected them.

“I’m going to bomb, bomb, bomb the school with everybody in it,” said Omar Hussein, as he clutched a pink toy airplane.

At another point, a girl enthusiastically sang, “I give a knife to my father to slaughter the chicken. He gives me a machine gun and a rifle. Now, I am a soldier in the liberation army.”

It’s time to give them a taste of their own medicine. They like leaving things around that explode? Well, we’ll start putting anti-freeze in CapriSuns and leaving them around as a quenching refreshment on a hot desert-day.

Sure, nobody likes to talk about killing kids, but when you’re an occupying force, sometimes you need to do things that you don’t want to do in order to earn the admiration and respect of the locals.

Bush is frustrated with the liberals in Congress. Who can blame him. It’s been 57 days since he requested money to fund the military efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Instead of writing the check, Congress went to spring break.

I don’t care if we’re talking about the $100 billion Bush requested for Iraq, or the $236 I owe in child support. If a payment is made at 60+ days, it should go on your credit score and collection efforts should begin. Maybe if we started holding Congress personally responsible and applying some of these payment lapses to their personal credit and putting liens on their mansions, things would start happening faster.

note: The $236 back child support payment was made some time ago, I’m just using it as an example.

Aside from their assertion that the world is warming, I have never agreed with a Canadian more than I agree with 83 year old Paul Hellyer of Ottawa. He is demanding the governments of the world unite and work together to use their secret alien technologies to develop new items that don’t rely on the burning of fossil fuels.

If we were somehow able to make this happen it would really pave the way for advances in not only transportation, but also weaponry. If  we could somehow deploy troops to Iraq at the speed of light, deploy some sort of lazer or raygun weaponry, and speed them back home to spend the evening with their families I think we could solve some of the recruitment problems we currently face in the military.

Bush doesn’t know for sure if Iranian leaders are responsible for providing weapons to anti-American forces. I say, who cares? Time to make a delivery of more shock and awe.

As much as I admire the Iranian position on Israel, The United States has never had a good relationship with them. They’ve always been a thorn in our side, either kidnapping our citizens, or driving up oil prices. Do we really need to split hairs over where these weapons came from? They have a big stamp on the side that reads: MADE IN IRAN. I say it’s time to replace their exported arsenal with a few bombs that read: MADE IN THE U.S.A…only we’ll deliver ours from 20,000 feet.

Maybe their leaders gave the order, maybe they didn’t. We’re already next door, our troops are wearing the right color camo, and we don’t like them. What more do I need to say?

Now I know all the bleeding hearts are opposed to all aggressions by our country, but let’s look at the facts:

1. This invasion will pay for itself, the oil reserves in Iran could be ours.
2. The Iranians are living under a brutal, oppressive dictator. Once he is gone and their citizens see our troops spreading freedom to that area, we’ll be greeted as liberators.
3. There are clear ties between Iran and terror.
4. They are no fans of Jesus.

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Take a moment and think about love today.

If Muslims don’t want to get strip searched, I would recommend they stop strapping explosives underneath their clothes.

An Iraqi Muslim woman with suspected ties to terrorists was detained, searched, and deported. Then she got a letter of apology from a spineless representative of Homeland Security who felt it was hit duty to expose ourselves as weaklings to our enemies by sending personal letters of apology.

If there’s a choice between strip-searching innocent women and seeing more Americans needlessly die, sign me up for patriotic strip-search duty.

This story has been neatly swept under the rug. It goes all the way back to 2004, and can’t imagine a cover-up of this magnitude could have occurred throughout the liberal underworld without the participation of socialist sweatheart, Hillary Clinton. This is the sort of stuff that is ripping America apart and endangering the lives of our soldiers deployed to fight the War on Terror.

In what the ACLU sees as an infringement of the civil rights of wealthy European royalty, real patriots see as proof of the relentless pursuit of terrorists, wherever they may be. The CIA doesn’t care if you’re a poor white supremacist with ties to Al Quaeda and plans to blow up a government building, or if you’re a wealthy foreign princess who presumes that you are out of reach of America’s bravest Intelligence Agency—they are going to follow every thread, wherever it may lead them.

Just the fact that her driver had a blood alcohol level three times the legal limit suggests to me that Princess Diana was getting pretty comfortable living on the wrong side of the law. It’s no surprise to me that the CIA, probably following some random terror suspect, was lead directly to the high-heels of some Britains ruling class.

Perhaps this is why Tony Blair suddenly developed a distaste for the dirty work that needs to be done in Iraq?

After months of slow progress, October proved to be one of the deadliest in Iraq. November is shaping up to be another successful month for US forces with 140 bodies found around Iraq over the last three days. If we can keep up this progress, their won’t be any insurgents left to kill for too much longer.

Nice to see the new Democratic government hasn’t slowed down the conservative machine.