Though I stopped giving my wife gifts the day before we were wed, I’m still aware of the traditions in our society that plague men who weren’t as shrewd at nuptial negotiations as I. As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches, I’m reminded that nearly every holiday on the calendar has been carefully designed as a trap for other men, by women, to break their spirit. Sad, sorry men, who will inevitably emerge from each of these “festive” events feeling as if they are a severe disappointment to the women in their lives, they will transfer that feeling of failure from that where it belongs, onto themselves and shoulder the burden alone.

Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Anniversaries, Secretary’s Day…all diabolically crafted by the fairer sex to maximize the perceived romantic shortcomings men will deliver on each. And for some reason, men continue to allow it.

But not me, I asked long ago: When is it our turn to be disappointed in women?

Then I answered my own question: You mean other than every day of the year?

To which I replied: Yes. You must cancel Valentines Day and repurpose the date for your own reward!

And so I did.

I suggest you “men” read carefully because I figured out a solution to this problem that I think could help many of you.

Though I’d already forbidden most ceremonies and holidays in my home other than my birthday and Christmas, It was time to banish Valentines Day and replace it with a holiday I created in my own honor. I called it “Sausage Day” and it continues as a tradition in our family.

No, Sausage Day isn’t a day to enjoy the fruits of the Hog, but instead it’s a day where the man of my house (me) is served obediently by my women as my reward for the hard work I’ve done over the year. A day that I’ve named as a subtle nod to one of God’s most amazing physical accomplishments—the male genitals. More specifically, my genitals.

Sausage Day is a day where I don’t lift a finger. And though my recent medical conditions have forced me to spend many days not lifting my fingers, in previous years this day was in stark contrast to every other day where a more physically potent Speide Bahl was capable of rising from the motorized chair I’m now confined to and spread my elbow’s grease as I saw fit. Sausage Day is a day where those who are special to me, and more importantly I am special to, bring me gifts that I may cast a disappointed gaze over and dismiss with an indifferent glance as revenge for the many holidays where they’d do the same to me had I not banished them all years ago.

Take pause weak men, and take control of your lives before the very thing that gives Sausage Day its name is taken from you completely.

Many agree that women should be allowed at least some voting rights on certain things, especially those related to domestic issues in the home. But when are womens’ voting rights more important than the welfare of our society—or national security?

Interestingly enough, women were first allowed to vote only when their husband’s were unable to. Presumably the idea was that they would cast an identical vote to that of their husband had he been able to cast it himself. This practice began with Mrs. Josiah Taft—or Lydia Taft as she’s known to most—when she was allowed to vote on a few local matters beginning in the year 1756. This “right” was granted to her due to the untimely and disorganized death of her husband, a prominent land owner with varied local interests that required input from his estate. Since he was already dead, they allowed the old lady to vote for him.

Though history is very kind to these events as they relate to women’s rights, it’s pretty clear to me that in reality Mrs. Taft’s participation was a complete disaster since after this initial proof-of-concept ran its course women weren’t allowed to officially vote again in the United States until 1893 when Colorado was blue-balled into submission, followed shortly after by my two spineless adopted home states: Liberal-pandering Utah and Gay-harboring Idaho.

Finally in 1920 the controversial 19th Amendment was ratified and we’ve been paying for it ever since with a seemingly endless string of vagina-sympathizing leaders starting with Warren G. Harding in 1921 (1 year after the 19th became law)—considered by most to be one of the least effective, most politically impotent presidents ever to have held office. Fortunately he died of a heart attack before he was able to do too much damage to anyone but himself.

As with many things in life, when the squeaky wheel gets lubricated nobody pays attention to it any longer. Now that women have the constitutional right to vote, nobody has stopped to see how it’s working out.

It’s time to start asking some hard questions…actually, the questions are pretty easy, let’s just ask them.

Is the world a better place now that women can vote?

Why can’t she do her duties to begin with? Men have a lot to worry about already.

The answer to these question is mostly, “no”, though some are “yes”…and a few require further elaboration. The point is that we’re no better off now than we were hundreds of years ago before anyone had even heard of Lydia Taft.

Everything that was bad before they could vote is still plaguing us. But now, we find ourselves losing some of the good things that we had prior to their being able to vote because women spend all their time voting for things, having kids without men, and taking our jobs.

It’s time to stop ignoring centuries of evidence that clearly shows that women voting simply doesn’t work. I hear a lot about a woman’s right to choose. It’s time we men exercise our own right to choose and we should choose that women can’t vote anymore.

Well, as you’ve learned, I’ve spent the last several weeks in state custody. Due to the ongoing case I can’t comment on specifics but I will say that the charges are bunk and are sexual in nature. They stem from some of my research work and the cattle traps I’ve been setting this year to capture the live bait needed for my Sasquatch snares.

As with many innovators throughout history, my methods and my mind are ahead of their time. I have no doubts that when history looks back on the path that was taken to discover the great ape, it will look favorably on my research and praise my methods as revolutionary and cunning. Until then, I must live with the disgrace brought upon me by a diabolical legal system and the scarlet letter of shame is has branded me with.

As much as it pains me to say, I must leave the only home I’ve known for the last few years and move to a new state, one more accepting of sasquatch research and other so-called perversions. I had hoped to find such a place in Utah, but that is clearly not the case. The people of Utah are a closed-minded bunch, unable to see past their own righteousness to the promise of my bovine lures and their ability to attract hidden primates. The people of Utah have driven me away and I will no longer allow myself to be an asset to such a place. When I am recognized for my work, I will not have Utah listed as my home state. I have chosen Idaho as my new home.

Idaho offers many benefits over my adopted home Utah. With their experience recently dealing with the Larry Craig incident(s), they understand how someone can do something very innocent and be accused a heinous sexual crime. They are also a state who has embraced Sasquatch research, specifically at the Idaho State University where one of the world’s foremost researchers is harbored.

My move is already underway and within the next few weeks I hope to be as far away from Utah as one can get.

I’d like to thank everyone for their support and kind words while I was doing hard time. Your prayers meant more to me than you or I will ever know.

There may be as many as 200 undiscovered crash sites in the Sierra Nevada range, 6 of which have already been found in the search for Billionaire Steve Fossett. Before the search for Fossett, these sites (and the associated expense of their recovery) could easily be ignored. Now, each of these sites will need to be investigated at a great cost to tax payers.

I propose that Steve Fossett (or his estate) be responsible for not only the costs associated with his own search and, hopefully, rescue…but with the recovery efforts involved in ALL crash sites found during this search. In addition, he should be responsible for paying the families of any victims for funeral arrangements that arise from the recent discovery of their loved ones as this will be an unexpected expense stemming directly from his actions.

Beyond that, it seems reasonable that anything else that is discovered during the search like drug farms, missing persons, or evidence of sasquatch that will require further research or law-enforcement action also be included on that same bill to Mr. Fossett or his estate.

As a side note, I have already contacted the Civil Air Patrol in California and asked that if there is any evidence of sasquatch uncovered during this aerial search that I be contact immediately.

Chuck Norris is, without question, the greatest living American blogger, if not the greatest American period! He can fight, he can write. His jeans are tight, and he’s always right. Say what you will about beefcake homos like Jean Claude or Segal—I don’t really care—but if you ever suggest Norris is anything short of brilliant—you and I have a serious problem.

In one of his most recent posts, Norris deftly explains the connections between hispanics (especially those who don’t speak English well), terrorist attacks on US soil (as well as their likely increase as a result of moving terror suspects to Kansas from Cuba), and the duty we owe to the families of the victims of 9/11 to send the illegals back where they came from.

Not one to simply throw out problems caused by liberals that are as simple to fix as immigration, he also lists his solutions. Well, they’re mostly Newt Gingrich’s solutions, but Chuck has conveniently listed them so they’re easy to read in one place. I suggest you go through his articles, and if you’re not already reading his site religiously, you should start.

In my house, when Chuck Norris comes on the television, we stand and solute. I would hope you start a similar tradition in your family, because, as Chuck quotes from the bible, “Like a dog that returns to its vomit [or feces] is a fool who repeats his folly.”

Don’t repeat your folly by returning to your vomit.

Joey Buttafuoco has been through a lot—most would agree, too much.

This brave man has been forced to start his life over more times than I can count, but he never gives up. That’s the American spirit—never give up hope. Recently he was imprisoned after the government raided his home and found “illegal” ammunition. I guess this man is not allowed the same civil liberties as the rest of America—a man whose life has been turned upside down by violent crime is not allowed to protect his own home?

Well, he’s out of jail and starting over again. I just hope this time society can just let him be. He’s suffered enough.

The government can say what they want about him, but in my book he’s a stand-up guy. He stayed with his wife for years, despite her grotesque disfigurement. That has to count for something.

After 25 years in prison, Jerry Miller was exonerated of rape charges on Monday based only on DNA evidence.

They say that prison is like a school for criminals. Knowing this, should we still allow people who have been incarcerated for long periods of time leave prison? The answer is an unequivocal, NO! Even if technically they are innocent of the crime they were originally imprisoned for, it is likely that they’ll be leaving prison with a chip on their shoulder and a new knowledge of criminal endeavors. For this reason we should either stop DNA testing on old cases, or ignore the outcome of such tests.

Many states are introducing laws that will make it easier for a doctor to admit guilt without legally implicating himself to the very misdeed he’s apologizing for.

Why is this significant? Previously the only recourse patients had against doctors who admitted that they’d intentionally caused you harm was to sue them and not refer their friends to them. These new laws will make it much more difficult to sue your doctor.

Imagine if you went to have a tumor removed and when you woke up from surgery your doctor said to you, “Sorry, I realized that if I take this tumor out you’d be cured and I won’t be able to charge your insurance company to treat you any longer. I decided to leave it in, I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.”

Now imagine that you died as a result of his greed.

Prior to this new legislation, the next call you would have made would be to your attorney. The first thing your attorney would have asked you would be, “Did he say he was sorry?” Now the first question your attorney will ask you is, “Why are you bothering me with this?” Even thought the doctor admitted to dooming you, there would be nothing that you could do about it.

Like the old saying goes: When they outlaw litigation, only outlaws will litigate.

Bush is frustrated with the liberals in Congress. Who can blame him. It’s been 57 days since he requested money to fund the military efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Instead of writing the check, Congress went to spring break.

I don’t care if we’re talking about the $100 billion Bush requested for Iraq, or the $236 I owe in child support. If a payment is made at 60+ days, it should go on your credit score and collection efforts should begin. Maybe if we started holding Congress personally responsible and applying some of these payment lapses to their personal credit and putting liens on their mansions, things would start happening faster.

note: The $236 back child support payment was made some time ago, I’m just using it as an example.

The French are known primarily for two things: surrendering to Germany, and being Darwinian apologists.

We’ve been enjoying Creationism for awhile now. But as with any great thing, we couldn’t keep it to ourselves forever. It’s spreading like the plague. And just like the plague, creationism is “attacking” the French.

We’ve had some setbacks here in the U.S. due to the fact that our legal system has been weakened by activist Darwinian judges. I sincerely hope the French judges haven’t been corrupted by liberalism like ours have. It would be very nice to see creationism finally get the foothold it needs to rapidly expand from France, through Europe, and eventually the world—much like Hitler planned to do with the Nazis before the American’s ruined his plans too.